How ironic is this!! This blog is a diary of sorts for me to dump my feelings. Yet somtimes I hesitate to put things in here because I am not ready for others to know about some things yet. Life has a way of throwing twists and turns into the path of your life. You know that the direction you turn or don't turn will affect things in your life...yet you sometimes don't know how they will effect it.
There are so many thoughts going through my head...that sometimes I don't want to share. If I shared them people would see my vulnerablity, my fears, and my feelings. So what to do when you feel like you have noone that you can trust to talk to. Noone that can help you sort out feelings that you think people wouldn't understand. I feel like people are always judging me.
Someone made a comment a short time ago that they wanted the "Old Dawn" back. Do you know how much I wish I had the "Old Dawn" back. Once upon a time, I was carefree and stressfree. I was confident and strong. I didn't put up with BS because I had nothing to lose. Something happened when I became a mom. I became scared. Wow....that's the first time I have really figured it out. Becoming a mom made me scared. Scared of everything. I am scared of screwing up my kids majorly. I'm scared that people will try to take the kids away from me. Scared that I cannot be a single mom. Scared that they are missing out on things in life. Scared of failing at my job and then losing it. Also scared of succeeding and having to move/relocate and start over.
The "Old Dawn" was a waitress, she didn't have the stress and pressure of kids. I think it's more than that though. Even though the "Old Dawn" that this person was talking about had been hurt...I hadn't been hurt as much as I have now. The "Old Dawn" had a confidence about her, because she hadn't failed.
But the upside of that is that I hadn't failed because I hadn't really tried to schieve anything. I guess now I have such a desire now to succeed and to do the right thing and to be "Perfect Dawn". I miss some parts of the "Old Dawn". I miss laughing. I miss writing and not being stressed.
To the person that wanted the "Old Dawn" back...you are in love and wanting a person that does not exist anymore. But looking to the future...maybe when I learn to love the Dawn that I am right now in this moment...then someone will love that Dawn in return.,,,,
So question of the day....
why, when you know that people love you, do you feel like you can't be yourself.
Do you ever wish you were like you were in the past...has someone ever told you that they wanted the "Old you" back. Can you ever get that old you back?
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1 comment:
I think that you waste the time you have if you are looking to get to what you used to be. The experiences you have had, the lessons you learn each day have made you the person you are. You just have to learn from the disappointments, rejoice in the happy moments and have faith that everything happens for a reason. Don't be fearful of life. You are going to wake up each morning to new challenges, new adventures. If you are afraid of everything, that is the legacy you will pass on to your children. You give them many more opportunities if you show them them a confident, compassionate example.
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