Long Time Coming

Let me give you a little background for those of you that don't know or don't remember....

Back about 9 or 10 years ago, I was helped in life by an amazing woman named "mama Deborah". She had a daughter named Trella and a son named Aaron. Trella and I became best friends and Aaron and I eventually dated. I have been in love with him ever since. We broke up like most relationships do. The only problem, is I never stopped loving him. Never.

I have spent the last 7 years or so looking for them. Every time I would look for them I would find Aaron's name and a number. I never called it. Who knew where he was in life or what he was doing. I really didn't ever want to barge into his life. But part of me always wondered. I have thought about him, dreamt about him, written about him, and always wondered what I would do if I found him or talked to him.

This past weekend, while catching up with some old friends from high school, I found an email address for a woman named Deborah. I emailed her and asked if she was my mama deborah. I received an email today saying that she was mama Deborah and she still has the picture of Brittany and her grandchildren. She left me her number.

After I picked my heart up off the floor, I called her. We both cried and cried. We talked and gave each other the reader's digest version of what has happened in the last 7 years. Finally we got around to Aaron. While we were talking, he apparently called her. She told me to call him right away.

I spent several minutes looking at the phone number she gave me. I had waited years for this phone call. I wanted to say so much and yet I wanted to say nothing at all. I desperately wanted to make the call, and I never wanted to make the call. Here I had the number for someone that I had loved in my head for all these years. He is the one when all the girls are sitting around talking about "The one that got away" I would think about. Didn't matter who I was dating at the time. Even my aunt jo and I had talked about this. At the beginning of every relationship, I would dream about Aaron. I knew we weren't the same people we were 9 years ago, but what would he be like. Had he thought of me just once? My hands shook as I dialed the number. I prayed that somehow, the answering machine would answer and I thought about hanging up, then I realized, I had waited all these years for this..I had played thousands of conversations in my head for this very situation. He sounded shocked to hear me. I'm not sure it was a good shock, but I'm not sure it was a bad shock. He was with some friends and couldn't talk right then and took my number.

So pretend that you have waited a million minutes for a conversation to take place and then tell me not to read too much into anything. Maybe he was in shock and where as I've had years to plan this conversation, he had seconds, because he hadn't thought about me. Maybe he really didn't want to hear from me again? Maybe he had waited as long as I had for the conversation and just didn't know what to say. Who knows.

So my very complicated thought for tonight is this.....

1. Who is your one that got away?
2. Would you contact them if you could?
3. What would you say?
4. What do you think they would say to you?
5. Is it possible that you can spend so much time building someone up in your head that you are actually a little sad when the moment comes to talk to them again because the thoughts and dreams you have had are coming to an end.

Aaron is no longer the mystery man from my past. I don't yet know if I should have kept him that way, or if I did the right thing by trying to bring it to my present.

Love is a crazy thing......