Well, hard lesson learned tonight. I waited years for Aaron to come back to me. Years. I was so happy when he finally did. We talked and it seemed like everything was back where it should have been. I have believed for years that he was my soulmate and I had lost my chance to be with him. Yet here he was, back in my life. I can honestly say, I had never been happier. He was coming into town this Wednesday. July 2. WE made plans, he was going to move down here, we even talked about getting married. Going so far as to set a tentative date. September 27. We were going to surprise his mom. I was planning on seeing her when I went down to Atlanta in August. He was going to come with me and we were gooing to tell her then. And he even plannied on talking to my dad and asking his blessing. He told me that he had already bought me a ring and everything. We talked for hours every day. Then all of a sudden, he stopped calling. I couldn't get a hold of him. I knew something had to be wrong. I mean, he cried when he told me how happy I made him and how he was so glad I was back in his life. Things couldn't have been more perfect in my life. Stupid me!
I called his mom when he stopped calling. I was sure that something horrible had happened to him and he was hurt. I have done everything I can do to find him. I have even cried myself to sleep for a week now. She said she couldn't get a hold of him, but that he does this sometime. Well come to find out he is just fine. He was apparently over at a cousins house today and his mother was sure he would call me when he was ready. I waited 9 years, for this? For him to promise me everything he did and everything I dreamed of? Then to just forget me. I have no clue if he is coming on Wednesday. I am hurting so bad right now that part of me wants to believe he will be, yet part of me doesn't want him to be here. I can't believe that the one thing I held onto for 9 years turned out this way. Like I said in an earlier post, what do you dream about when all you have dreamt about for 9 years finally happens. Little did I know the nightmares those dreams would be. Nor did I know the heartache, hurt, and pain down to my bones that his would cause me.
I sit here trying to figure out exactly what I did wrong. He was the one that brought up marriage. He was the one that talked about moving down here. He was the one that planned the visit. Yet he walks away. Without even a goodbye. I thought earlier this week that maybe, I held on to this relationship so that I could have some kind of closure. Well guess what, I still don't have it. All I have is hurt, and yes it hurts. I love him and always will. But I guess just like before, it's the wrong time, wrong place.
I just got off the phone with my mom, crying for about an hour. Trying to figure out what happened from him calling me at 11:30 Monday night, just to tell me he loved me, to him not calling me again. I don't know.
Will he still be here Wednesday? DO I want him here on Wednesday? I don't know the answer to those questions.
Thought for tonight:
Do you think the past is the past for a reason???
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
I LOVE YOU !!! and I'm soooo sorry for what's happened !!!
But, ...
PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE
... If He does come to visit on Wednesday, AND IF You do decide to meet with Him ... DO NOT GIVE HIM DIRECTIONS OR TAKE HIM TO YOUR HOUSE ... BE SMART, BE SAFE, PROTECT YOURSELF AND THE KIDS.
Keep and/or get GOD involved, 'cause it's Only within HIM can you really & truely trust.
I wish I knew who left this anonymous comment. Regardless of the tears I cried last night. I still do love him. Maybe it's my own stupidity. Maybe he needed some time to think. I still have no idea if he is coming tomorrow or not. I wish he would just call me and at least let me know what happened. Let me know that he does love me. Let me know that he didn't just disappear for no reason. I mean t here has to be a reason. You don't claim to love someone for 9 years and this just forget it. So if you wrote this comment and you know something i don't, please share.
It sounds like the way he's treating you is NOT Love. Words are Just that, Words, ... but Actions, and Lack of Actions, are Just that, a Better Indicator of Commitment, Integrity and Current and Future Actual Level of Devotion.
Claims are also, just that.
You have known him, or known of him, for 9 years, ... with thoughts and dreams of what you wanted, NOT what the actual Actions were/are.
History is ACTIONS of the Past. Think of what you Actually Want, What You Actually Want for your Kids ... be guided by those Needs and Actions.
His Actions Do NOT Show Love ... He Does NOT Deserve Your Love.
... Question of the day ... Who Does?
(p.s. - If he needed time to think, and he had integrity and/or really cared, his Actions would have at a MINIMUM, communicated that to/with you!
Start healing by taking Actions to Protect Yourself and the Kids Starting Now, Give Your Love those who Need and Can/Will Accept it and Give (Action) back.)
I don't know who you are and why you feel like you know this situation. But you don't know him. You don't know me. I have loved him and missed him for this long. We all need time to think and space sometimes. And yes, I will probably be sitting down there at the airport tomorrow waiting for him. I know he loves me and there is a logical explanation as to why he hasn't called. I will hold onto that hope until he tells me other wise. Unless you know something about this situation that I don't. All comments are modified and you can tell me who you are since you want to be anonymous.
Post a Comment